Abi's Day September 28

Morning Circle Time
8:03- Little girl walks up to me, puts her nose on my hip, takes a huge sniff and says, "AHHHHH! Now I'm okay!"

Snack Time
9:05- I'm smacked on the arm by a first grade boy, whom I have never spoken to before, screaming "MS. ABI! MS. ABIIIIIIIII!"  I answer, "Yes?"  He makes two huge, face-contorting winks, then turns and walks off without another word.

English Class
9:50- While discussing ways to remember the difference between the letter "d" and the letter "b", a little girl offers, "Oh! I know! You say D...D...DIABETES!"  I start laughing, trying to explain that the disease maybe isn't the easiest way to remember b's and d's, when another girl interrupts, "I've been there!"
Me: "You've been to Diabetes?"
Girl: "Yes! And I caught a fish there!"

Story Time
10:00- Interrupted in the middle of a story by a little girl, "Ms. Abi! My teeth are a little bit tight today."

Overheard during Activities
11:05- Little boy to the blocks he is building with, "I'm gonna double snap this dirty guy!"

Physical Education
11:20- Stuart greets Mr. Joey with, "HIYA JOEY BABY!"

11:45- We play Cat and Mouse. One child is the Cat, all the others are Mice.  The Cat must chase the Mice and steal their tails (ribbons attached to their waistbands).  We discover that NONE of the little boys are wearing underwear, nor have they attached their "tails" to their waistbands.  Every single ribbon is stuffed into their little butt cracks.  They got to keep the ribbons.

  

Abi's Day September 26 & 27

September 27

Before We Even Get Inside

7:32- Leading the kids up the stairs to the classroom when the little girl behind me bellows out a song, "I LOVE MS. ABI'S BOTTOM! MS. ABI'S BOTTOM IS SO NICE!" Then smooches it before I can stop her.

Recess

12:45- Is informed by another teacher that during lunch time, Stuart was caught inventing yet another game in which he was "viper punching" boys in the crotch.  

Computer Class
1:30- Little boy shouts out, "OH MY GOD! Now I'm all POOEY!"

Quiet Journal Time
2:00- Put on some quiet Rosie Thomas for the kids to listen to.  Little girl, "Teachuh! I hear this song and I have to cry!" 

September 26

Activities

8:48- Little girl has repeatedly asked for a stapler for the mask she is making.  She is given the stapler before I realize she is going to staple the mask TO her face.

Language Lessons
10:07- Diarrhea is discovered on a chair in the classroom. 

Lunch Time Line Up
12:03- Little girl tosses back a gulp from her water bottle and tells the classmate next to her, "Some times I like to pretend this is my Vodka!"

Victoria's Day September 27th

Raspberries
7:45- Morning circle time and Vincent has a special seat next to the teacher again. I am reading a story to the children when I start to feel really irritated for some reason. I continue to read, thinking to myself that the feeling will surely pass. It is about two seconds later when I come to realize that the source of my discomfort is coming from my special friend sitting on my left side! Vincent is squeezing my arm fat as hard as he can in between both of his hands .He then is proceeding to blow raspberries up and down the blob that he has created on my upper arm. There is slobber all over my arm and little hand prints from the not so gentle squeezing. He was no longer sitting next to me.
Chicken and Dessert
11:45- The class  is in the middle of creating artwork when Zoe raises her hand. I call upon her and she asks "Can I call my mom?". To which I immediately respond "No." I realize a second later that she may indeed have a legitimately good reason for needing to phone her mother. So I ask "Zoe, why do you need to call your mom?" She looks at me and replies "I need for her to bring chicken and dessert for my lunch." Needless to say, I let my original answer stand.

Planet Knowledge
1:00- We are having a question and answer/quiz time about the planets. Everyone is sitting in a circle and having fun learning about the solar system. Hands are going up all over to ask questions that they are sure I can answer, I call on each student in turn. It comes to Vincent's turn and he says "Ms.Bacteria! I am going to be a rrrrrovot and fly up into Uranus!". He then begins to gesture with his hands and continues "I will go up and up and up (he has his right arm ascending straight up into the air and his fingers wiggling around) into Uranus and I will twist it (he snaps his wrist to one side and closes his fingers making a fist), like that! I just stare at him, unsure of what my response should entail. He could see the tears welling up in my eyes and my body shaking as I am trying to hold back my laughter. He then declares to myself and the class "I will do it (he repeats the same straight arm wrist snapping as before) just like that! It was a couple of seconds before I could catch my breath and regain my composure. When I had settled down, I told him that maybe one day he could be a scientist and figure out a way to tilt Uranus to sit like the other planets in our solar system.

Victoria's Day September 25th

School Uniforms
8:44- The class is seated for English work and all is quiet. Up jumps Jose who yells "Teacher! There is something inside of me!". Sensing the urgency in Jose's voice, I run over to see what could possibly be the problem. As it turns out, wearing suspenders under a school uniform may not be the best plan.

No Shame
9:04- I am leading my children out of the classroom and down the stairs for recess. A little voice in line behind me pipes up and asks "Why is your hair like that?" I look at her and said, "Good question." then continued down the stairs.

He Came Prepared
11:03- The boys are getting ready for yet another swim class while I am working with the girls to finish up their journals for the day. Jose walks up to me wearing just his tie, socks and underwear and says "I have extra panties but I cannot take off my tie!" I am not sure how he managed to take off his shirt before his tie... I responded to his to declaration to me with "I am really glad you came to school prepared Jose! Now all we have to do is teach you how to manage this tie!"

Abi's Day September 25

The Importance of Good Body Image

7:47- During Morning Circle time I hear "I am a sexy girl!" It is not a girl saying this.

Oral Hygiene 

7:52- Class has lined up to go brush their teeth, but where is Stuart's toothbrush? The whole class gets on hands and knees, searching for a full five minutes for Stuart's missing toothbrush.  I hear giggling, whip around, and ask, "Stuart, where is your toothbrush?" He grins and pulls it out of the front of his underwear.  He still brushes his teeth.

Discussion About Missing Swimming Class Due to Rainy Weather

8:50-Teacher: "If it's too cold, we won't be able to go swimming."

Girl: "Oh! It's okay! I'll wear my glasses!"

English Class

9:45- Stuart is kicked out of English for continuous burping.  Again.

9:40- Teacher: "Who can tell me what the word "Cute" means?"

Little girl: "Oh! Maybe like your face because it is small like a mouse?" 

Teacher: "Um...What?!  How about something else you think is cute?"

Little boy: "Mr. Joey is cute!"

9:50- Teacher: "Do you wear a Coat when it's cold?"

Little girl: "Not in this country!"

Math

2:30- Stuart is asked to demonstrate how to write an "8" in the air in front of his classmates.  He raises his right arm, then his left arm, then lowers them both over his crotch, does a little pelvic dance, shouts "KOREA!" and sits back down.  

Abi's Day Sept. 21

What Stuart Did 

7:45- Stuart answers his name being called during attendance by shouting, "HOW YA DOIN' BABY?" and winking at me.  All I think is, "That's the English you've picked up!?"

2:16- While having my arms raised to clip a child's science project on the wall, Stuart jumps out of his chair, bolts across the room and kisses me soundly on the armpit.  Then runs back to his chair and resumes his maths.

Abi's Day September 20, 2012

My favourite parts of the day:

Meet Stuart

 He is wearing his "finish your work-books first" outfit.

My favourite science project

Cute class discussion of the day:
Me: "What are some different kinds of bugs?"
Students: "Mosquitos, spiders, ants, butterflies, bees, elephants..."

Abi's Day+ What Stuart Did- September 19, 2012

September 19, 2012

7:37- Stuart is not in class with the rest of the students.  He is found hiding under the staircase.

9:10- Recess.  Stuart has pinned an older child to the ground, with one hand on the child's back, the other hand stuffing the older child's shorts into a wedgie.  Stuart claims he is "Tickling".  

10:20- Swimming class.  Stuart has to be tied into his life vest as it is too small to reach around his middle.  

12:46- Two girls come up to me crying because during lunch time, Stuart became "X-MEN!", shouted Korean words in their faces, yanked up their dresses, swatted their behinds, then disappeared.

2:00- Stuart and I make a compromise: IF he finishes his maths workbook, he may continue to wear the sparkly purple dress and hot pink high-heels he is wearing.

Boys and Balls

12:35- Two of the boys are caught taking their clothes off near the swimming pool changing rooms during lunch time.  When asked what they are doing, they answer "Getting a ball."  Is there a ball? No.

Best Friends
2:05- Little girl whispers, "I love you Ms. Arby. You are best friends because I like your hair." as she kisses my face repeatedly.

Something on the Side
2:20- Conversation with one of my girls during Quiet Journal Time, "Teachuh, you know my boyfrien' is marry."
"He is? And how does his wife feel about this?"
"I don't know, but you know, I kiss him in the mouf."

My Boys By Victoria

I am sure that I would not make it through the day without the antics of the two boys whom I have come to love. No, the boys are not my favorites; because teachers never have favorites. Names will be changed for storytelling purposes. Jose a future scientists that has an after school activity everyday of the week and Vincent is a goofy, skinny kid with a toothless grin.

September 3rd

Vincent: "Teachuh?"
Me: "Yes?  You may call me Ms. Victoria. What do you need Vincent?"
Vincent: "Uuumm... OK, Ms. Bacteria. Can I ask you a question?"

September 5th

7:30 Vincent is the line leader for the week and stands just under chest high. One of the things that Vincent loves to do as line leader is ram his head into my stomach repeatedly.  After one such time, he takes a step back to look at my chest.  Lifting his arms he makes a squeezing motion with his hands and says, "Wow!  Ms. Bacteria you are like some kind of MUSCLE MAN!"
I still do not have a response.

12:50  Sitting down for math, all is quiet until I hear an urgent, "Ms. Victoria?! Ms. Victoria!"
"Yes Jose?"
Jose swoops his arm in a dramatic gesture towards a sign on the wall reading Science Center and asks "When are we going to do Science?"
"Next week."
"OH MY GOD! I HAVE TO PREPARE MY SUPPLIES!"

September 6th

I asked Jose if he had any brothers or sisters and he replied, "I do not have any brothers or sisters. My mom cannot grow another tummy because he is old."

September 10th

10:45 "Where should I change teacher?" That was the question I heard as the boys were getting ready for their first swim lesson. I told them that either in the classroom or the bathroom was fine. Jose yells to me from across the room, I turn to see him in just his socks, underwear and shirt. He is swinging his tie above his head in a circular motion and says "But teacher! I do not want anyone to see my wieners!" I told him that if he changes quickly and stops drawing attention to himself no one will see his "wieners". Jose finished changing and announced " Ms. Victoria! I have extra panties to wear after swimming!"

10:47 Vincent flings the classroom door open after changing from his uniform to "swimsuit". He is wearing an extremely small yellow tank top and a matching pair of very small yellow underwear.  Once he is sure all eyes are on him, Vincent begins to hum some sultry tune and rub his hands up and down his body as he gyrates vigorously.

September 12th

10:50 During Quiet Reading Time, it is brought to my attention that Jose is NOT, in fact, quietly reading his book. He is, instead, humming a "dangerous" tune as he whips his handkerchief/ Matador cape back and forth, to tempt the bulls that apparently abide in the reading center. 

12:50 During a discussion about the weather, snow specifically, Vincent raises his hand to say, "I love Canada." I reply, "You love Canada?" Vincent, "Yes. No. Yes, but I love Africa more." Thank you Vincent for your addition to our discussion about weather.

September 17th 

While I am looking over his class work at my desk Vincent decides to take the opportunity look directly down my shirt by sliding his hand quickly across my neck, then yanking down my shirt front.

September 18th

7:50 After a hairstyle change over the weekend Vincent notices and asks, "Why is your hair like that Ms. Bacteria?"  To keep things simple I replied, "I got a haircut." He then asks "Where is the hair here?" and points to his forehead. I then tell all of the children that no matter what they remember of my hairstyle last week, my forehead has NEVER grown hair. Vincent says, "Oh, well when I am a man I will have hair on my lips and cheeks."

12:45 Vincent kindly lets me know that I have something in my teeth.

1:25 Vincent brings some class work up to my desk for approval. As he is waiting quietly for my response, he begins to gently rub my crossed legs. He looks up at me as he continues to touch my leg and whispers, wide-eyed, "WOW! OH MY GOD!"

Victoria's Day- September 19, 2012

For story-telling purposes, all children's names have been changed.

Morning Circle Time
7:45- While doing the calendar and weather with the Daily Reporter I hear very quiet giggling and laughing coming from behind my back. I decide to carry on with what I am doing and ignore the giggles until I hear "Oh! My penis!" Immediately I whip around to see two of my boys with one hand up their own shorts and the other hand lifting each others shorts up to have a peek. Needless to say, they were then separated so that Circle Time could continue in peace.

7:48- In response to my asking what the class would like to be when they grow up, *Jose* replies, "I want to be an engineer because I have some money saved in the bank in the Philippines. I also want a car but I need 25 more dollars. Or maybe $100 or maybe $2,000.... I do not really know."

7:55- In my response to my question asking the class which kind of animal they would be if they could change like Eric Carle's The Mixed up Chameleon, *Zoe* replies, "I would be a cheek".
Me: "A what?"
Student: "A cheek. Do you not know? A baby cheekuhn."

Parkour
9:25- While heading heading back to class after recess, *Vincent* finds a secret treasure on the stairs.  He then parkours into his classmates who were walking calmly in line, knocks me into the railing, then jumps onto his backpack so he can hide his prize before I see what he has scored. It was a rubber band.

Journal Time
10:07- "I want to be a scientists because they do aliens." -Vincent

11:04- During Quiet Journal time, I hear "DO NOT PULL DOWN MY PANTS!"

Afternoon Circle Time
12:50- While reading Stellaluna to the class, one of my boys begins peeping and chirping, while determinedly picking his nose.  He then rolls the boogers between his fingers and takes tiny nibbles from his tasty nose candy in between each baby bat and bird tweet.

Math
2:12- After about two minutes of gently having my arm stroked, the child then informs that I am so black.

2:10- *Vincent* decides to whistle at me for my attention instead of raising his hand. To bad he is missing his entire row of top teeth.

Abi's Day- September 18, 2012

Blu-Tak

9:57- While reading a book during English Circle Time, I look over to see one of my little boys with his shorts hiked up around his thighs, quietly stretching out some blu-tak between his fingers.  I then realize it is NOT blu-tak, it is his foreskin.

Camel Toes

10:50- During swimming I notice one of my little girls has all of her life vest straps stuffed up into her wedgie. She is hopping around, wiggling, and shouting, "Oh my toes! Oh my toes! It is stuck in my toes!" 

"Honey, that is not your toes..."

3 Dimensional Shapes

11:46- Ms. Abi: "Repeat after me guys, Rectangular Prism".

Little boy: "Rrrrectangular Pre-cum!"

What Stuart Did

These are the chronicles of a certain young, very large and strong boy, spending a little extra time in Kindergarten to catch up on his English.  For this story-telling purpose, he will be referred to as Stuart.  -Abi Copple

What Stuart Did

September 6

10:34- Stuart volunteers his favourite food "Humbuguh!" (Hamburger) during circle time.  His first English words in class.

September 7

9:06- Had to drag Stuart off of the off-limits playground equipment 4 times in 3 minutes.

12:20- Stuart invents two new games.  First: kicking a ball into the outside light fixtures to shatter the bulbs, then eluding the teachers with impressive speed and agility. Second, trying to dismantle the flag from the flagpole, then eluding the teachers with impressive speed and agility.    

September 10

11:58- Found Stuart hanging off the outside of the second floor stair railing after running away from computer class.  

September 12

11:16- Discovered Stuart's head under my shirt while trying to get the class lined up.

2:27- Chased a swim-goggles-wearing-Spiderman/Stuart around the school, in the rain, along with 2 other teachers, while the rest of the class waited quietly in line to go home. He eluded us with his impressive speed and agility for 5 additional minutes.

September 13

10:20- The class spent a miraculous hour and forty minutes quietly and eagerly working on Maths because Stuart had fallen asleep in the Library Centre.  We did not wake him.

September 14

9:22- Stuart is kicked out of English class for continuous burping.

1:30- While lining up outside to go back to class, a toilet is flushed on the third floor, causing a leaky pipe to shower down sewer water.  Stuart runs from his place in the class line to twirl and dance under the falling water, while all teachers, guards and cleaners bearing witness scream, "That is NOT rain Stuart! Dear God, that is NOT rain!" 

1:54- Discovered Stuart's head under my dress while I am standing on a chair to hang some art work on the wall.

September 17

1:37- During quiet journal time, Stuart becomes "X MEN!", and proceeds to run around the classroom, launching stuffed animals into the air, causing one to be caught in the ceiling fan, short circuiting it.     

1:42- Stuart tenderly kisses my belly button as I attempt to settle the class down.

1:43- Stuart motorboats my rear-end as I foolishly have turned my focus to another child too soon.  

September 18

7:54- Stuart kills and eats a spider during morning circle time.   

12:48- Stuart comes in after lunch, soaking wet from the rain.  The only spare clothes that fit him is a dress-up sailor's shirt.  Stuart puts it on, then asks for a picture to be taken.  He poses with a couple boys from class, each time cupping their crotches, right when the picture takes.