November 13
Anatomy 101
8:10- Little boy: "Did you know you have cheek bones?"
Me: "I did know that! Where are yours?"
Little boy pats his bottom to show me his cheek bones.
Me: "...Cheek bones meaning the cheeks on your face, not your bottom."
I Hope It's Not True
11:0- I overhear two boys chattering away about what they want to fight.
Little boy #1: "I will fight the dinosaur!"
Little boy #2: "I will fight Ms. Abi!"
Little boy #1: "I will fight poo poo!"
Me: "Gross guys. Get back to work. That's not even possible."
Little boy #1: "It totally is! I've done it before! Your hands get really stinky, but I won."
Summer Vacation Plans
1:50- Little girl: "Ms. Abi, are you going to visit America in the summer?"
Me: "No, I don't think so."
Little girl: "Why not? It's a pretty nice country."
November 12
Morning Circle Time
7:50- Little boy: "Ms. Abi, today can we think about Insects?"
Me: "Why, yes! You can think about insects. Any time you want, really."
Little boy: "Seriously? Awesome!"
Science
10:30- Little boy has repeatedly been told to stop humming, as it is disrupting our lesson.
Me: "Seriously, no more!"
Little boy: "I try to stop, but my brain is too full of songs!"
Maths
11:20- I catch a little boy in the dress up clothes when he should be doing his Maths workbook. His reasoning for not doing his work, "I cannot Teachuh! I have to stay home because I just have the baby!"
Me: "...No, you did not have a baby. You are a six year old boy."
Little boy: "Yes! I did! And now I am so tired, so I have to go home to rest. But it's okay because you know, the baby loves me so much!"
End of the Day
2:10- A very tired little boy is trying to get my attention, but is too tired to focus.
Little boy: "Excuse me... excuse me, Mr. Lady!"
Me: "Mr. Lady?! That is just not correct at all!"
November 8
Fruit Salad Party
7:45- We are collaborating on the perfect recipe for our Fruit Salad Party later on in the day. After much discussion, the class decides that, among other fruit, our fruit salad recipe calls for TWENTY-SEVEN bananas. There are 16 of us.
Hair Cuts for Everyone
1:26- I discover multiple clumps of hair on the floor. Three little boys are missing some patches, yet some how no one can tell me how this little "oopsies" occurred.
November 7
Boys Swimming Day
11:07- I discover one of the boys has eluded his aide with his impressive skills of speed and agility and is not lined up with the rest of the class, ready to go back inside. Instead, he is in the motorcycle parking lot, has stripped himself entirely naked and is peeing on one of the teacher's dirt bikes.
November 6
English
8:20- I show a little girl a little plastic squirrel and ask her what it is in English. She says, "A Squirter!"
When to Dial 911
10:15- Discussion with the class about Swimming Class being cancelled last week but not this week.
Little boy: "So the pipes were broken for the swimming pool?"
Me: "Yes, but it's fixed now, so we can go swimming!"
Little boy: "Did you have to call the Police to fix it?"
Me: "No, the Police don't really help with pool maintenance things..."
Little boy: "Well they do like to help! Especially if there's a baby near. They LOVE kissing babies, every day!"
Girls Swimming Day
11:00- 13 little girls are not changing out of their swimming suits and into their school uniforms like they are supposed to. Instead, 13 little girls are running around the courtyard naked and screaming, worried that someone will see them without their clothes. The irony is lost on them all.
November 2
Highlight of the Day
10:48- I am sitting at my desk, watching my students working quietly in their Math books, when I notice one little boy with a very queer expression on his face stand up suddenly. He reaches his hands into the back of his shorts, into his buttcrack, then pulls out a bright green eraser, stares at it for a moment, then hurls it to the floor.
We make eye contact as my mouth is hanging open at what I just witnessed, and he says, "That was in my butt! I didn't like that!"
I tell him to throw the eraser away, go wash his hands, and to keep the rest of the school supplies away from his pants. He has no explanation as to how the eraser got into his bottom in the first place.
November 1
7:50- Little girl interrupts Morning Story Time to tell me that she is not talking and is sitting quietly.
/O/ Words
9:53- I hold up a picture of an Ostrich and asks the students what it is.
Little girl: "Like a bunch of weird crabs that got lost in the forest!"
Me: "..."
When We Should Be Working In Our Maths Books
11:10- Little boy #1 to little boy #2: "You have 100,000 girlfriends!"
Me: "Whoa, that's a lot! How do you remember all their names?"
Little boy #2: "I don't! I dumped them already!"
Me: "Hahaha! Why?!"
Little boy #2: "Because it was too many to love!"
Little boy #1: "And some of them looked like a water buffalo. GROSS!"
In Line To Go Home
2:28- Little girl is hugging me and patting my stomach.
Little girl: "Would you look at that belly? Ms. Abi, this is a nice belly!"
October 26
School Hasn't Even Started Yet
7:28- I am informed that some of my little boys are running around the school pants-ing each other. I pull them aside to talk to them about it, and they tell me that the Principal told them to do it.
I Don't Even Know
8:45- I notice a little girl hovering next to me as I am sitting at a table helping some of the other students. I turn to address her and she instantly pries open my mouth and taps her fingers on my teeth, then walks off without saying a word.
Overheard During Activities
1:10- Little girl: "You know, when I was a baby, I was really heavy. I mean like SO heavy. My Mom had to drag me all over the ground and no one could carry me!"
October 25
My Kindergarteners have picked up a new song and dance at home. This is what they have repeatedly interrupted every lesson throughout the day with...
October 24
Healthy Drinks
8:00- We are discussing our favourite juices, as part of our Healthy Foods unit.
Little boy: "Beer!"
We Love Science
11:03- I inform the kids it's now time for Science. Stuart leaps up from his chair, shouts out "HALLELUJAH!" and drums on my bottom before I can stop him.
Quiet Journal Time
2:07- Four little boys are not quietly working in their journals like the rest of the class is. Instead they have stood up in their chairs, and are pelvic thrusting and chanting, "OH MY GANGNAM STYLE! I'M A SEXY LADY!"
October 23
Life Is Hard When You're Six 8:04- Little girl: "You know, Ms. Abi, I used to be a really funny kid."
Me: "What happened?"
Little girl: "I got old."
Overheard in Social Studies
10:31- Little boy #1: "Stupid girl! I love you!"
Little boy #2: "Stupid boy, I love you!"
Psychic Abilities
11:25- Little boy has repeatedly been told to STOP humming during Circle Time, and is now humming with his hands over his mouth, as though that will keep me from knowing it is him.
Little boy: "How did you know it was me humming?!"
Me: "Because I know everything."
Little boy: "So then, what did I wear to sleep in?"
Me: "Pajamas!"
Little boy: "OH MY GOD!!!! WHOA!!!!"
11:32- The same little boy is still interrupting Circle Time, in which we are discussing quantities of insects.
Little boy: "One time I touched a ladybug and he weed and weed and weed green all over me!"
11:34- Me: "What is this?" pointing to a picture of a Bee.
Little boy: "A Lesbian!"
11:48- I discover Stuart eating pencil shavings.
Maths
1:04- We are working on Patterns. After completing all the missing patterns, the children get to make their own, of any image they would like. I discover one little boy has filled his worksheet with a pattern of buttocks.
2:30- In line to go home for the day, a little boy is talking about his latest haircut.
Little boy: "When my Mum cuts my hair, it's like Butcha, Butcha, Butcha! (butcher)".
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