Abi's Day November 14

November 14

English Class
8:30- Little girl: "Oh! Ms. Abi, I used to have a puppy!  But then I dropped him down the stairs and his bones came out his legs so we gave him to my brother's girlfriend and now he is okay!"

Fine Dining
10:00- A little boy is serving me food from his "Restaurant".  I ask him to tell me what is on the menu, and he has me write it down for the next customers.

(Boy's name) Menu

Main Dishes 

 Pizza

Lemon Sandwiches

Lemon

Fire

Gorilla Body

"Explodering" Corn

Desserts

Jelly

Love Heart Cookies

Catfish Skin

Chocolate

Drinks

Lemon Juice

Mustache Juice

The Ocean

Strawberry Juice in a Dinosaur Cup

 
Almost Lunchtime
11:40- Little boy: "I wish I were fat forever because I'd never have to starve like this every day!"

Overheard during Quiet Journal Time
1:20- Little girl: "Yeah baby!  Sorry, I had to say that because I'm a little bit funky."

Science
2:15- Little boy is the last one to finish his work as he's been goofing off.
Me: "You need to hurry up, it's almost time to go home."
Little boy: "UGH!! I want to go home!"
Me: "You can go home as soon as you finish your work."
Little boy: "I want to die forever!"
Me: "If you don't finish your work, I won't let you die and you'll just have to stay here at school with me forever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever."
Little boy: "...Until the Earth destroys?"
Me: "Yep!"
Little boy: "...I'll finish my work."

Abi's Day Oct 23-November 13

November 13

Anatomy 101

8:10- Little boy: "Did you know you have cheek bones?"

Me: "I did know that!  Where are yours?"

Little boy pats his bottom to show me his cheek bones.

Me: "...Cheek bones meaning the cheeks on your face, not your bottom."

I Hope It's Not True

11:0- I overhear two boys chattering away about what they want to fight.

Little boy #1: "I will fight the dinosaur!"

Little boy #2: "I will fight Ms. Abi!"

Little boy #1: "I will fight poo poo!"

Me: "Gross guys.  Get back to work.  That's not even possible."

Little boy #1: "It totally is! I've done it before! Your hands get really stinky, but I won."

Summer Vacation Plans

1:50- Little girl: "Ms. Abi, are you going to visit America in the summer?"

Me: "No, I don't think so."

Little girl: "Why not?  It's a pretty nice country."

November 12

Morning Circle Time

7:50- Little boy: "Ms. Abi, today can we think about Insects?"

Me: "Why, yes!  You can think about insects.  Any time you want, really."

Little boy: "Seriously? Awesome!"

Science 

10:30- Little boy has repeatedly been told to stop humming, as it is disrupting our lesson.  

Me: "Seriously, no more!"

Little boy: "I try to stop, but my brain is too full of songs!"

Maths

11:20- I catch a little boy in the dress up clothes when he should be doing his Maths workbook.  His reasoning for not doing his work, "I cannot Teachuh! I have to stay home because I just have the baby!"

Me: "...No, you did not have a baby.  You are a six year old boy."

Little boy: "Yes! I did!  And now I am so tired, so I have to go home to rest.  But it's okay because you know, the baby loves me so much!"

End of the Day

2:10- A very tired little boy is trying to get my attention, but is too tired to focus.

Little boy: "Excuse me... excuse me, Mr. Lady!"

Me: "Mr. Lady?! That is just not correct at all!"

November 8

Fruit Salad Party

7:45- We are collaborating on the perfect recipe for our Fruit Salad Party later on in the day.  After much discussion, the class decides that, among other fruit, our fruit salad recipe calls for TWENTY-SEVEN bananas.  There are 16 of us.    

Hair Cuts for Everyone
1:26- I discover multiple clumps of hair on the floor.  Three little boys are missing some patches, yet some how no one can tell me how this little "oopsies" occurred. 

November 7

Boys Swimming Day

11:07- I discover one of the boys has eluded his aide with his impressive skills of speed and agility and is not lined up with the rest of the class, ready to go back inside.  Instead, he is in the motorcycle parking lot, has stripped himself entirely naked and is peeing on one of the teacher's dirt bikes.  

November 6

English

8:20- I show a little girl a little plastic squirrel and ask her what it is in English.  She says, "A Squirter!"

When to Dial 911

10:15- Discussion with the class about Swimming Class being cancelled last week but not this week.

Little boy: "So the pipes were broken for the swimming pool?"

Me: "Yes, but it's fixed now, so we can go swimming!"

Little boy: "Did you have to call the Police to fix it?"

Me: "No, the Police don't really help with pool maintenance things..."

Little boy: "Well they do like to help! Especially if there's a baby near.  They LOVE kissing babies, every day!"

Girls Swimming Day

11:00- 13 little girls are not changing out of their swimming suits and into their school uniforms like they are supposed to. Instead, 13 little girls are running around the courtyard naked and screaming, worried that someone will see them without their clothes.  The irony is lost on them all.

November 2

Highlight of the Day

10:48- I am sitting at my desk, watching my students working quietly in their Math books, when I notice one little boy with a very queer expression on his face stand up suddenly.  He reaches his hands into the back of his shorts, into his buttcrack, then pulls out a bright green eraser, stares at it for a moment, then hurls it to the floor.  

We make eye contact as my mouth is hanging open at what I just witnessed, and he says, "That was in my butt! I didn't like that!"

I tell him to throw the eraser away, go wash his hands, and to keep the rest of the school supplies away from his pants.  He has no explanation as to how the eraser got into his bottom in the first place.

November 1

7:50- Little girl interrupts Morning Story Time to tell me that she is not talking and is sitting quietly.

/O/ Words

9:53- I hold up a picture of an Ostrich and asks the students what it is.

Little girl: "Like a bunch of weird crabs that got lost in the forest!" 

Me: "..."

When We Should Be Working In Our Maths Books

11:10- Little boy #1 to little boy #2: "You have 100,000 girlfriends!"

Me: "Whoa, that's a lot! How do you remember all their names?"

Little boy #2: "I don't! I dumped them already!"

Me: "Hahaha! Why?!"

Little boy #2: "Because it was too many to love!"

Little boy #1: "And some of them looked like a water buffalo.  GROSS!"

In Line To Go Home

2:28- Little girl is hugging me and patting my stomach.

Little girl: "Would you look at that belly? Ms. Abi, this is a nice belly!"

October 26

School Hasn't Even Started Yet

7:28- I am informed that some of my little boys are running around the school pants-ing each other. I pull them aside to talk to them about it, and they tell me that the Principal told them to do it.

I Don't Even Know
8:45- I notice a little girl hovering next to me as I am sitting at a table helping some of the other students.  I turn to address her and she instantly pries open my mouth and taps her fingers on my teeth, then walks off without saying a word.

Overheard During Activities

1:10- Little girl: "You know, when I was a baby, I was really heavy.  I mean like SO heavy.  My Mom had to drag me all over the ground and no one could carry me!"

October 25

My Kindergarteners have picked up a new song and dance at home.  This is what they have repeatedly interrupted every lesson throughout the day with...

http://youtu.be/Yd6BMy3Tens

October 24

Healthy Drinks

8:00- We are discussing our favourite juices, as part of our Healthy Foods unit.  

Little boy: "Beer!"

We Love Science

11:03- I inform the kids it's now time for Science.  Stuart leaps up from his chair, shouts out "HALLELUJAH!" and drums on my bottom before I can stop him.

Quiet Journal Time

2:07- Four little boys are not quietly working in their journals like the rest of the class is.  Instead they have stood up in their chairs, and are pelvic thrusting and chanting, "OH MY GANGNAM STYLE! I'M A SEXY LADY!"

October 23

Life Is Hard When You're Six
8:04- Little girl: "You know, Ms. Abi, I used to be a really funny kid."
Me: "What happened?"
Little girl: "I got old."

Overheard in Social Studies
10:31- Little boy #1: "Stupid girl! I love you!"
Little boy #2: "Stupid boy, I love you!"

Psychic Abilities
11:25- Little boy has repeatedly been told to STOP humming during Circle Time, and is now humming with his hands over his mouth, as though that will keep me from knowing it is him.
Little boy: "How did you know it was me humming?!"
Me: "Because I know everything."
Little boy: "So then, what did I wear to sleep in?"
Me: "Pajamas!"
Little boy: "OH MY GOD!!!! WHOA!!!!"

11:32- The same little boy is still interrupting Circle Time, in which we are discussing quantities of insects.
Little boy: "One time I touched a ladybug and he weed and weed and weed green all over me!" 

11:34- Me: "What is this?" pointing to a picture of a Bee.
Little boy: "A Lesbian!"

11:48- I discover Stuart eating pencil shavings.

Maths
1:04- We are working on Patterns.  After completing all the missing patterns, the children get to make their own, of any image they would like.  I discover one little boy has filled his worksheet with a pattern of buttocks.

2:30- In line to go home for the day, a little boy is talking about his latest haircut.
Little boy: "When my Mum cuts my hair, it's like Butcha, Butcha, Butcha! (butcher)".
 

Victoria's Day October 25

 Unnecessary
One student was overheard yelling the following at another student..."Fucking, fuck, fucking!" He apparently could not find the color of pencil or crayon needed to complete his picture.

Staw-burries
Once or twice a week I like to take time out to read with each student individually. It was Vincent's turn, so he climbed into my lap and began to read aloud. After a page or two, he paused, he then turned his head so he was looking at me in the eyes. He then closed his eyes and moved his face so that my lips were almost touching his nose. He then said, "MMMMMM!!! You smell so good! Like...(paused to think) like straw-burries, or maybe (paused again to think) bubble gum. SOOOOO GOOD!"

Wind Beneath My Wings
I wear a lot of Dolman sleeved shirts and when I do Vincent has to comment, every time. This time during afternoon circle however, was particularly disturbing...
Vincent shoves his had up my sleeve and pokes me in the armpit. I immediately pull away. I ask him "What do you think you are doing Vincent?! I am trying to explain something to the class and you are being disruptive." He replies, "Ms. Bacteria! You are wearing the wings again, I love the wings. Wings like this (he puts his arms out to either side of his body and pretends to fly)! Bat wings, birds wings, butterfly wings! All of it! He then places the finger that was in my armpit up to his nose and inhales for about 2 seconds to long. "MMMM  smells SO good!"

A Couple of Comedians
I overheard the following conversation between two of my students during math time...
Vincent: "YOU LIE TO ME!"
Zoe: "WHAT? NO!"
Vincent: "You KILLING ME WITH THAT!"
Zoe: "I NOT killing you! YOU killing ME!"
Vincent: "YOU A LIE TO ME WHEN YOU SAY THAT YOU HAVE 6 DADS!"
Zoe: "WELL YOU CRAZY LOCO WHEN YOU TELL ME YOU HAVE ONE MILLION HUNDRED MOMS!"
Vincent: "Oh I just joking you!"

Victoria's Day October 23-24

I Dream A Dream
I told the students that whomever memorized all of the continents would receive 'honey money'. Jose announces, "I am going to dream about the continents, BOOYAH!"

Random
"I wish I had one hundred million THOUSAND monies!"

Medium Rare
I asked the students to try and remember which part of the world that I came from, Vincent had the answer..."United Steaks!"

Could be True...
"When I have a puppy he died. So my uncle came over to take him and eat him." I burst out laughing until I realized that she was completely serious and very sad... Whoopsies!

Do Not Eat the Meat
Vincent came up to me as the bell ran to end lunch with a very defeated look on his face. I could tell that he had been crying and that he was also wearing a pair of shorts that were not his uniform. I knelt down to talk with him and he began to sob the following tale into my bosom. "Eric made me eat meats. He made me eat TWO meats. Then I THROWED UP! I say NO! I NO EAT YOUR MEATS. Oh Ms. Bacteria, he MADE me eat the meats."

Shark Attack
Today in computers the students got to play games, which they loved. All of them placed their headphones on and a few minute later I heard Vincent scream "OH SHIT!" from his seat. He had just been eaten by a shark. At least the profanity was in context.

Worth a Try
Zoe tries to get out of completing her math work for the day by announcing, "My neck is broken" As it turned out, her neck was NOT broken and she was able to complete her math.

He Read it in a Book
We were continuing our class discussion on the continents when Vincent declared his distaste for Asian temples...
"I hate the temples! I read a book and I see they have Spider Monkeys. So I never go there."

Everybody Was Kung Fu Fighting
"Ms. Bacteria, Do you like Kung Fu Panda? He does like this (Vincent is ramming his head into my stomach and pretending to bounce off as he throws himself onto the floor)... See? You know him? Watch me do this (he bounces off my stomach again) That is why I say to you 'do you love Kung Fu Panda' when I do this (he does one last giant bounce and lands on the floor)!"

Knock Out
I look over to see Zoe slap Vincent across the head. So I ask her why she felt the need to hurt Vincent. She replied "Oh, I was just putting him to sleep in his chair."

Abi's Day Oct 19, & 22

October 22

English Class

8:35- Little girl: "Teachuh, today I am so sick.  I am sick in the head!"

It's All About Enunciation

8:45- Little girl: "Teachuh, we colour Horny Horse?"

Me: "HONEY Horse.  Colour HONEY Horse."

English Class

Discussing /I/ words.

Thinking Outside the Box

9:50- Me: "Where are Insects found?" 

Little girl: "Temples!"

Little boy: "Ice cream!"

There's Ill, and Then There's Ill

10:05- Me: "Who can tell me what the word "ill" means?"

Little girl: "When you puke, and puke, and puke, and PUKE, that's how you're ill!"  

Damn You Christmas Coca-Cola Commercials

10:07- I hold up a picture of an Igloo and ask them what it is.  

The whole class: "AN EEEGLOO! THE POLAR BEARS LIVE IN THERE!"

Me: "That's a good guess, but polar bears like to live outside instead.  It's an ice house for people!"

Distraught little girl: "Well a DOG can still fit inside, right?  Or like a baby polar bear?"

10:09- Me: "Does anyone know what the word "imp" means?"

Little girl: "A mean goat!"

10:11- Me: "How about the word "icky"?  Can you give me an example of something icky?"

Little girl: "Boogers!"

Little girl: "Dirty toilet paper!"

Little boy: "POO POO!"

Me: "NEVER MIND! I shouldn't have asked!"

11:08- During Calendar Time, a little boy raises his hand to share, "Ms. Abi, my Mum said soon it's the end of the world.  When we finish this calendar, we will all be die because we are destroyed!"

Chatting in After-School Activities

2:35- Little boy: "My Dad is the boss!  My Mom is not the boss, but she is the owner!"

Me: "Owner of what?"

Little boy: "Of the Blug!"

Me: "What is a "Blug"?"

Little boy: "She wrote the INTERNET!" 

Hours VS. Owls

2:57- Little boy has NOT stopped chatting and all the other girls are getting fed up with constant his noise.

Little boy: "... and one time my Mom painted an ACTUAL TRAIN TRACKS and THEN a train coming down it! And THEN..."

Girl: "NO *Little boy's name*! We can't hear any more about your Mom because we all want to die already!  There can never be more stories about your Mom!"

Little girl: "Yeah! No more talking for a hundred hours!"

Little boy: "...But I don't have ANY owls!"  

Almost Escaped

3:35- Walking my bike out towards the gates to go home, one of my little girls comes screaming at me, "MS. ABI!! MS. ABI!! WAAAAAAIT!!" I stop, she runs up to me, pinches me on the bottom, and dashes off before I even know what happened.     

October 19

Morning Circle Time
7:43- Stuart silently stands up from his spot on the floor, takes off all of his clothes, changes into a soccer uniform he happened to have on hand, then sits back down.  

7:50- I am interrupted by a little girl while reading a book to the class.
Little girl: "OH NO!!! TEACHUH!! YOU SEE THAT MONKEY GOT INTO THE NOODLES!!! OH MY GOD!! But Teachuh, you know, you have the nose ring! OH MY GOD!!"
Me: "...Yes.  I did know that, thank you."

English Class
8:15- A little boy walks into the classroom wearing a surgical mask.
Teacher: "Honey, where have you been?!"
Little boy: "I had to go poo poo."
Me: "...With a surgical mask?"

8:20- We are discussing words that start with the /F/ sound.
Little boy (Whose name starts with F): "I know! SHARE!"
Teacher: "No, /F/ sounds.  That's a /SH/ sound. Here's a hint! What is your name?"
Little boy: "F!"
Teacher: "...No. Your name is not F."

8:22- Teacher: "Okay class, any last /F/ words you want to add before we move on?"
Little boy: "CHOPSTICKS!"
Little girl: "EYEBALLS!"
Little boy: "BUTTS!"
Teacher: "...Never mind."

Science Class
11:10- We are discussing how our bodies are Eating Machines.  I ask the class what they thought happens to the food after they eat it and it goes into their bellies.
Little boy: "The little baby that lives in my tummy eats it and makes me go poo poo!"
Little girl: "The vacuum machine cleans out my tummy!"
Stuart: "Spider inside belly eats food!  I am SPIDERMAN!"

Victoria's Day October 22

Language of Love
Zoe: "Ms. Victoria! He is singing to me! HE IS SINGING TO ME IN ENGLISH!"
Me: "You don't like him singing to you? You don't like him singing to you in English?"
Zoe: "I do not like him touching my knee and singing to me in English"
Me: "Soooo... only in Khmer?"
Zoe: "Yes"

Ms. and Mrs.
The computer teacher dropped off some requested materials for my lesson later on in the day. As I was saying good-bye and thank-you, Vincent shouts, "You are married with him!" To which I replied "NO, I am not married to him. I was being polite when I said good-bye and thanked him for the class materials." Then another student, Jose chimes in with, "No! She is just a Ms., Right? Otherwise she would be a MRS. we all know that she is NOT..."

Important Skills
Zoe lifts her uniform over her head and begins to rub her stomach. Then I watch as she attempts to pat her head while she is rubbing her stomach. This advanced skill is taking place right in the middle of a spelling lesson. Oddly enough, rubbing ones stomach while patting ones head will not help pass the spelling assessment at the end of the week.

Victoria's Day October 18-19

Everybody Likes Chicken
 I was telling the students that I went out to dinner with Ms. Abi for her birthday. When I told them that we went to her favorite restaurant Jose shouts out, "I bet it was KFC!". To which I reply, "No it was not." He responded with a very confused, "Oh..."

I Hope Not
Vincent is proudly showing off his new electric pencil. He is demonstrating how to click the side so the lead will extend and how to twist the top for the eraser. He is shouting across the room, "I have this! An eraser and it comes out my butt!"

When She Is 18
Zoe found the new tattoo that I had done over this past weekend and had a whole lot to say about body art, clothes and over all appearance. "OOOOOO! I want that but my dad does not want me to have that. I want a star. He wants me to be beautiful girl when I big. I want a star but he says 'NO'. He say that he love me and does not want me to wear that dress. When I want to wear that dress he say 'NO'. He want me to be white and I not white. I say to him that I not go to school because at school there is a lot of sun. If I in the sun I get brown. He say that I got to school because I got to be a rich girl. So I go to school anyway and get brown"

Power Outage
Jose: "My brain is charging when the lights are on. So when the lights are out I cannot do any work."
Teacher: "If your brain is charging when the lights are on, it will be at full power when the lights go out. It is also the middle of the day and we have windows all around the classroom that allow sunlight "
Jose: "Oh... yeah..."
Teacher: "Nice try."

Extras
Sometimes being a teacher requires the occasional spontaneous discussion on life and death. I had to have a brief chat with Vincent after he made the following comment during morning circle time.
"My uncle died OK. Do not worry because I have many others. Many, many a lot of other uncles! So no problem, OK?!"

Abi's Day October 18

Morning Circle Time
7:46- Little girl interrupts me in the middle of reading a story to the class, "Teachuh!  My tooth is moving!  And my Mom, she says when they all come out, I will be the Sister and you will all have to call me Sister and do like this!" *bows deeply*

The Goodness of Cheese
10:10- Overheard one little girl to two other little girls, playing with play-doh, "HOLY SNAP!  I make the best cheese ever!"

I Can't Even Follow This Train...
10:11- Same three little girls chattering away:
Girl #1: "Do you have a Grand-pa?"
Girl#2: "Yeah!  I've got like a hundred!"
Girl#1: "I've got like zero and three!"
Girl#3: "WHAT?!  You can only have two!"
Girl#2: "Well my Mom has twenty dollars, he is so rich!"
Girl#3: "WOW! She IS rich!"
Girl#2 "What a cute little circle! You're only making a big one for the cheese? It doesn't look so like the cheese..."
Girl#3: "WHAT THE HECK!!! Come on! I make the best cheese!  I call it the STLAST DE LA BLAST!"

Discussing Current Events
10:20- A little boy tells me that he watched a national ceremony on T.V. with his family at home.  I told him that I was in the crowds that was shown on T.V. and he said, "I look everywhere for you in the Tee-Wee (T.V.), but I not see you!"

Painting His Noodle
11:30- Collecting the Science project where the kids had to colour their favourite Grain Food, I discover Stuart has NOT painted his favourite food in the grain group, noodles, on the paper, but instead has painted "Spiderman!" on the crotch of his shorts.

Learning about Patterns in Maths
11:40- Little girl: "OH MY GOD! How could I forget this?!" 

11:48- I am helping some of the students with making their own patterns, when I hear a whisper in my ear, "Make it Louder, Baby!"  It is, of course, Stuart, no where near his desk, and not even a little bit doing his work.

11:55- An upset little girl: "Teachuh! All the boys say to me, 'You a boy!'"
Me: "Actually, they were asking if you like boys.  But if you don't like them talking to you like that, you tell them that, okay?"
Little girl: "Okay.  I AM THE LADY AND I DON'T LIKE THE BOYS TODAY, SO YOU DON'T SAY I LIKE THE BOY BECAUSE I HIT YOU FOREVER!"
Me: "...Close enough."

11:56- I inform Stuart that he cannot line up with his classmates to go to lunch because he's been dinking around instead of doing his work, and now he has to finish it before he gets to go anywhere.  His horrified response to having to stay behind, "But I love you!"

Lunch Recess
12:30- A little boy has escaped his aide with his impressive skills of speed and agility and is discovered by one of the guards sitting on top of one of the teachers dirt-bikes in the motorcycle parking lot.

A Medical Emergency
12:35- A panicked little boy comes running up to me, "MS. ABI!!!! (Little girl's name) HAS BROKE HIS LEG!!!"
Me: "What?! Where is she?!"
Little boy: "OVER HERE!! IT'S SO BAD!!!!"
We go running over to find the little girl with the broken leg, and he takes me to STUART who has scratched a little scab off his leg, and is totally fine.

Discussing Tattoos
2:00- A little boy sees one of my tattoos and sniffs it, "Oh!  It doesn't smell too good!"
Me: "Hahahaha well it's not a sticker!  It's a tattoo!  Remember, with the needle and ink?"
Little boy: "Yes! Like PEW!! PEW!! PEW!!!" As he repeatedly stabs at my arm with his fingernails, "But where is the hole?!  How can they put the picture in the hole if there is no hole?!"

Young Love...
2:23- Little girl: "Teachuh, Stuart is not my boyfrien' any more."
Me: "Oh no!  Why?"
Little girl: "Because he touch my hair and I DON'T play like that!"

Time to go HOME!
2:34- Stuart tells me that he will not go down the stairs to go home, unless he holds my belly button.
We make a compromise where we each hold our own belly buttons, and go down the stairs together.  

Some Pictures From Abi's Class

We discussed classroom rules.  They took it very seriously, so I did too.  Can you spot my favourite?

 Stuart's Favourite Dress-Up Shoes

 The short-circuited ceiling fan due to Stuart's "XMEN!" abilities.  Notice there are now 2 stuffed animals stuck up there.

Abi's Day October 12

Morning Circle Time
8:05- Little girl snooping at my desk, "Is this paint facing?"
Me: "Do you mean 'face-paint'?"

English Class
8:15- Teacher: "Today I'm going to tell you a story without a book! We get to use our imaginations!"
Little boy: "What?! With our brains?!"

8:17- Teacher: "This story is about a goat, in fact, THREE goats!"
Little boy: "YAAAY!! I like those!  They're scary!"
Teacher: "...Goats.  Not ghosts."
Little boy: "Ah man."

8:45- Me: "Whoa, what happened?!"
Little boy: "I don't know!  It just got too gluey in here!"

Hop and Stop
9:34- Stuart is very excited for some dancing time.  I know this because after vaulting off of some tables and chairs, he bites me on the shoulder, then runs off to booty-check his classmates in delight.

One Of All Three
10:30- It's girl's day to line up first.  A little boy is in line with the girls.  I ask him, " Uh oh! Are you a girl or a boy?  Because you know it's girl's turn to go first!"
Little boy answers, "Teachuh, today, I'm a ladyboy!"

P.E. 
11:44- Little boy: "OH MAN!  I burped and now I am too skinnier!"

Lunch Recess
12:42- A little girl asks if our male assistant is pregnant.

Quiet Journal Time
1:17- Stuart grabs a little boys crotch and yells, "HELLO THE BABY!  THIS IS THE BABY GUY!"

Victoria's Day October 12th

You Can't Always Get What You Want
9:30- I asked Vincent what he had for snack and this was his response, "Only meelk again. Everytime meelk. I say to my mom 'NO MEELK' and she says 'I do not care' that's what she says to me. I come to school and open my bag meelk, meelk, meelk. Open, open, open! Meelk, meelk, meelk! AGAIN, AGAIN, AGAIN!"

Counting Sheep
10:15- Vincent needed to share with the class during English. at least he raised his hand. "My mom does not know anything, She never learns because all she does is sleep. SLEEP, SLEEP, SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP. So she will NEVER know!"

One Minute to Freedom
2:29-"Ms. Bacteria! He put the book in my butt like that! He did (he bends over and uses his hands to spread his butt cheeks for me to see where the book went) put the book right like that!" I am thankful that all clothes remained on the body during this exchange.

Victoria's Day October 8th,9th,11th

October 8th

Circle Time

7:40- A couple of students are ignoring what is going on and having their own conversation.  

Vincent: "I have $5.00  and $10.00 and $1.00."

Jose: "So! My mom has $5.00 and my dad is rich!"

Is Anyone Out There?

10:25- Teacher: "What are you doing?"

Student: "I am praying to my mom."

Teacher: "Why?"

Zoe: "I need her to bring me spaghetti for lunch."

Teacher: "Carry on."

October 9th

11:45- Everyone else is working quietly and Vincent announces a fun new game. "Lets play punching!" He then starts punching his own arm repeatedly.

1:00- "OH SHIT!" Vincent was working on a math sheet. A gust of air from an oscillating fan blew his paper off the table.

October 11th

8:45- Vincent wanted to let me know how much he missed me when I was out sick. "I missed you because I want to play BINGO. I love school."

11:00- Teacher: "Our TA is not here today because she is graduating."

Student: "OH MY GOD! She is the CHAMPION! Is that what you say?! SHE IS THE FIRST PLACE CHAMPION!"

11:20- Vincent was using his journal time to let me know what he was going to do for the TA when she came back to class.  "I am going to get a flower like this (uses his hands to motion the size of a very large flower) and tape it to her breast like that!" (slams his open hand across his chest with a proud smile on his face).

Victoria's Day October 2nd-5th

October 2nd

Circle Time

7:50- Teacher: "What did you do over the weekend?" 

Jose: "Over the holiday I played with my sword. I have a thong for and it gives me powers."

8:00- "The dark side of the moon is tooooo dangerous! I have seen it, there are ALIENS"

October 3rd

Einstein

7:40- One of my students was really excited about going to the eye doctor and getting fitted for glasses. He was sharing his experience with the rest of the class during morning circle. This is how one of his fellow classmates responded..."I think he will look like a genius! He will have to get a hat with this on it (he is gesturing with both of his index fingers in the shape of cross) because he will be a doctor! He cannot do this (moves the index finger that is on top slightly upward so it looks more like a church cross) because he will be a god and he cannot be a god."

You Are What You Eat

10:00- Little boy standing behind me, watching me writing, "I see what you are writing. I eat a carrrrrrrrrroht (carrot) and I can see everything. I eat something hellfee (healthy) and I know everything. My brain is smarter and I am faster."

October 4th

Autumn

8:00- I was trying to describe Autumn weather to all of my students. I mentioned to them how I loved to drink Hot Cocoa and Apple Cider in the mornings and eat oatmeal for breakfast. Vincent caught on to the fact that in my home country, it is the beginning of the cold season.  "Aaaaaand you ate a hot, hot, hot, hot, hot dog? Right? You were cold so you ate one of those?"

Music

10:00- Sometimes during quiet journaling, I will play music. As I was setting up the speakers to my iPod Vincent walks up to my desk to check on my and asks, "What you got? You got like an iphone musics? SWEEEEEEEEEET BABIES!!!!!!"

October 5th

Compliment?

1:00- I was helping Vincent with his math work while he was 'helping' me with my hair... "OOOOOOH look at your hair! It like a sooooo soft! SOOOOOOOO SOFT like a peeelow. OH MY GOD!!!! Just look at it! Look at this... so so so soft (gently pinching my left earlobe between his thumb and index finger) a peelow too! OH MAN, OH MAN!!!!"

Abi's Day October 11

Discussing /H/ words
8:35- Little boy: "House!  House is /H/ word!  Teachuh, you know, in my house, we eat the dog."

Almost, But Not At All Correct
9:25- Little boy: "Teachuh, it's time for English class?"
Me: "Yes.  So where are you supposed to be going right now?"
Little boy: "Home?"
Me: "No!  English class!"

Murderous Mosquitos
9:45- Little boy: "Teachuh! Mosquitos bite me everywhere!"
Me: "You must be delicious!"
Little boy: "No!  They try to kill me!"

Shoe Fetish
9:50- Stuart sends himself out of the classroom after getting in trouble for spitting.  He is discovered sitting on the ground with all the children's shoes, sniffing each one, then rubbing them on his face.  A teacher intervenes when he begins licking them.

Science Class Attempt Number 1
11:15- We begin our Food Pyramid topic of Grains.  The students react as though someone handed out crack cocaine during morning recess.  Some how a teacher ends up at the bottom of a dog pile.

Science Class Attempt Number 2
11:20- A little boy decides he has had enough of Science for the day, and uses his extraordinary skills of speed and agility to elude his aide for 10 minutes.  He is found downstairs, playing a game on one of the security guards phones.      

Emergency Music Class
11:35- We have abandoned Science Class and are now attempting Emergency Music Class.  I make the mistake of booty-checking Stuart, and he in turn, booty checks the rest of the class.  Flying little bodies knock over bookshelves, rolling whiteboards, chairs and desks.

After Lunch Line Up
12:40- Instead of standing in line with the rest of the class, a little boy is discovered walking past the office with his pants at his ankles.  It is speculated that he had just peed on a nearby tree.

Regarding Self-Portraits Made In Computer Class
1:20- Little boy: "Oh my God!  I'm just disappointed with this!"

Quiet Journal Time
2:06- Instead of quietly writing in his journal, Stuart has put on his favourite hot pink high heels, become "SPIDERMAN!", lassoed an art display with a chain he made of plastic paperclips, and yanked it down.  

Abi's Day

October 10

Potty Power
7:55- All of Kindergarten has been sent to the bathroom before the next class starts.  I discover that one of these tiny bodies has pooped onto the garbage can, next to the toilet.  In the next stall, another two or three children have peed all over the floor, this time not next to the toilet.  After questioning each child individually, I learn two things.  One, they are terrible liars.  Two, they actually think I believe them when they say they never left the classroom in the first place, and to quote one little girl, "I never have to go to toilet in my life."

"H" Words
8:35- The teacher points to a picture of a Hamster and asks the class what it is.
Little boy: "Dinosaur!"
Little girl: "Squirrel!"
Little boy: "A tiny bear!"

8:40- Teacher: "What is another /H/ word you can think of?"
Little boy: "Whore!"
Teacher: "Do you mean H-O-R-S-E?"
Little boy: "Yes!"

Boys Swimming Class
10:55- We discover that after rinsing off, 13 little boys are NOT changing back into their school uniforms.  Instead, 13 little boys are screaming and running around the motorcycle parking lot, naked.

Activities
1:27- A little boy gives me 8 paper hearts he has made.  On them is the name of one of the little girls in class with her name crossed off and mine written below.  I ask, "Does this mean we love each other?"
Little boy: "I don't know.  Maybe a little bit."

Abi's Day October 3, 4, 5, 8 & 9

Apologies for the delay, we've both been sick!

October 3

English Class
8:15- Teacher to little girl who went home sick the day before and arrived late: "Oh, I thought you were staying home sick today!"
Little girl: "No, I was just late for a little bit.  Only until 8, okay?"
Teacher: "Well, it's 8:15..."
Little girl: "Oh.  Well, I'm late a little bit longer then."

8:30- Little girl: "Do I smell Teachuh?  Can you smell me everywhere?"

8:45- Little boy is sent out of story time for excessive kissing.

9:45- A little boy cannot think of a word with an /E/ sound, so the teacher gives him some clues to help him out.
Teacher: "It is something that comes from Chickens, and we like to fry it!"
Little boy: "Fruit!"

Science
Our Favourite Vegetables In The Food Pyramid
10:40- Me: "Mmm, I love Zucchinis!"
Little boy: "I love Bikini's too!"

Activities
1:55- Student attempts to forge the teacher's name to earn extra Kindness Cash for good behaviour.  She makes the card out to herself and signs the teacher's name as "Bats".

October 4

Morning Circle Time

7:50- I am silently handed part of a bloody tooth in the middle of story time.

7:52- I am explaining the word Handsome to the class.  Little girl: "Teachuh, I know!  It's like a Korean Pop Star!"

8:15- Overheard from high-school P.E. "Start with your left foot!  Okay... your other left foot!" 

8:44- Little girl: "I get homework like a real ghost!"

English Class

"F" Words

9:40- I point to a picture of a feather and ask the class what it is.  Little boy: "It's a leaf from a bird!"  

9:50- I ask the class to think of words with the /F/ sound in them, and we write them on the board.  The whole class is ecstatic about this activity, all squirming and shouting in excitement.
Stuart: "Fantastic Baby!"
Me: "Hahaha, okay I'll take that, what else?"
Little girl: "FRICE!"
Me: "What?! No, you're just making up words with /F/ sounds, I need real words!"
Little girl: "FROBBIT!"
Me: "Hahahahaha!  Do you mean "Frog"?"
Little boy:  "F*CK!"
Me: "F-O-X! You mean FOX!"
Stuart stands up, applauds, and shouts out, "HALLELUJAH! AMEN!"

P.E.
11:45- We play "What Time Is It Mr. Fox?" where the students ask the fox what time it is, and what ever time the fox answers, the kids may take that many steps forward, until the fox decides it's dinner time and chases the class until the child catches the new Mr. Fox.
The whole class: "WHAT TIME IS IT MR. F*CK!"
Me: "OH my Lord, NO! F-O-X! /X/! You need the /X/ sound!"
Class: "WHAT TIME IS IT MR. F*CK...X!"

October 5

Morning Circle Time
7:40- Stuart greets his classmates by gently cupping their bottoms.

7:45- Stuart is sent out of the classroom for continually spanking the other boys.

Maths Class
10:35- Instead of quietly working in his Maths workbook, Stuart is standing in his chair doing a little pelvis dance, and singing this song:
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Activities
1:30- Little boy: "Teachuh, you want to eat some melanin?"
Me: "Do you mean "Lemon"?"
Little boy: "Yep!"

October 8

Morning Circle Time
7:40- Little girl #1: "Stuart's my boyfrien'!"
Little girl #2: "No, Stuart's my boyfrien'!"
Little girl #1: "NO! I HAD HIM FIRST!"

Maths Class
11:40- Stuart kisses little girl #1 on the cheek.
Little girl: "See Stuart?  You are my boyfrien'!"
Stuart vehemently shakes his head no.
Little girl: "Stuart, you kiss my cheek, so you my boyfrien', you don't say no!"

October 9

Recess

9:25- Stuart lets me know that he thinks I've done a good job using my Walking Feet in the hall by giving me a thumbs up and a smack on the rear end.

Swimming Class
11:05- Two children are sobbing miserably over having forgotten their swimsuits and therefore having to miss out on swimming.
Little girl commenting on the dramatics: "Sigh.  Everybody cries in the city..."

Quiet Journal Time
1:05- Little boy sneezes all over his leg.  "Ah man!  How can this happen?!"

Social Studies
2:18- Little boy comes up to me, "Teachuh, I so like you."
Me: "I so like you too!"
Little boy: "But I have a family!"
Me: "Hahahaha! Well, I'm not asking you to leave your family, now am I?  I think we can just like each other and it'll be okay."
Little boy: "Whew!"

Abi's Day October 1 & 2

October 2nd

English

9:37- A little girl has a high fever, but won't go lay down and miss out on the lesson because, "I don't want to be not smart!" 

10:00- I begin to read The Extraordinary Egg by Leo Lionni.  I explain the word "Extraordinary" to the class and compare it to the word "Special", asking them what is something they find "special" or "extraordinary".

Little boy: "Cigarettes!"

Little girl: "A golden house!"

The rest of the class: "Cheese!"

10:02- I am now reading The Extraordinary Egg to the class and am interrupted.

Little girl: "My Mom's brother was in a fight and has broken lungs now!" pointing to her jaw. 

10:03- We are no longer reading The Extraordinary Egg as we are now discussing Human Anatomy and the difference between Lungs and Jaws. 

Swimming Class

Camel Toes Revisited

10:36- Little girl, who two weeks ago had referred to her life vest straps tangled up into her wedgie and crotch as being "stuck in her toes", asks me to buckle her straps between her legs by saying, "Help me, Teachuh! Can you clip it to my toes?" 

10:57- Camel toes girl: "TEACHUH! WHERE ARE MY UNDERPOPS?"

Me: "Hahahaha what?! What are "Underpops"?!  Do you mean underwear?" 

Camel Toes girl: "Oh. Yes."

10:58- The same girl is dropping all of her belongings as she is walking back to class.  A teacher asks her if she can help.  Little girl: "Oh my God, yes!"

Maths

11:45- I discover Stuart eating some glue.

It's the Cool Season

12:50- Little boy: "Oh, it is so hot these days!"  He is wearing a jacket.

Activities

1:20- I discover some of our new little girls are not actually going to the bathroom in the toilet, although they are in the stalls.  

1:45- We notice that Stuart has hung up a cat mask onto the window sill.  He is on all fours, wearing a pair of funny glasses with a fake nose and mustache  and is speaking quietly in Korean to the cat mask.  He stops only to wipe his nose on the curtains, then resumes his conversation with the mask.  

October 1st

First Things First
7:30- Stuart has a girlfriend.  This is discovered as he was being chased to class by a little girl when another little girl stepped out, clothes-lined the pursuer, and shouted "YOU DON'T CHASE MY BOYFRIEND!"

English
8:15- The teacher has just finished explaining multiple times to the class about being extremely careful with the Zoophonics flash cards, and asks, "Okay, do you guys get it?"
Little boy: "NO!"

9:35- I am interrupted while asking the students to find the letter "e" on the board.
Little boy: "It's 20th hour!"
Me: "...What?  What does that mean?"
Little boy: "It's 20th hour!  It means you have super speed power to run faster!"
Me: "Okay...Well, can you use your super speed power and please just find the letter "e" on the board?"

10:00- The class has all handed in their Zoophonics flash cards after an assessment game, except for Stuart.  Where are Stuart's flashcards?  In his shirt, because he is pretending they are his "boobies".

Maths
10:29- I notice Stuart's hands are glued together.  There is no glue out at this time.

11:00- Little girl: "Teachuh, you say stop, we stop?"
Me: "Yup."
Little girl: "Ah, man!"

Lunch
12:05- I ask a 1st grade boy if he will be coming to after-school Arts and Crafts class.  He answers, "I'm sorry!  I'm just not available today!"

Quiet Journal Time
12:51- Little girl: "What are you doing?"
Me: "Painting a box for our Kindness Cash."
Little girl: "Oh.  Well make sure you do it nice, I'll be back to check on you."

Victoria's Day October 1

Phlebotomy

9:05- Sitting down for English, the kids are waiting patiently as I am gathering my materials. I slide a rubber band off of a pack of flashcards for a game when Vincent screams "DO NOT DO THAT! OH WHY DO YOU DO THAT?! YOU WILL CUT YOUR BLOOD IF YOU PUT IT THERE!" The rubber band was on my wrist so that I could find it again after English class. However; after seeing the distress I was causing Vincent, I took it off. He then sighed and said "My mom told me that it will cut your blood, so do not do it."

Sexy Girl

11:55- It is the end of quiet reading time and Zoe comes up to me and says "Jack called me sexy girl." I told her that if she did not like being called a sexy girl she should let Jack know that for future reference. Zoe marches up to Jack with her hands on her hips and declares " I do not like it to be said to me sexy girl! YOU NOT CALL ME THAT!"

I Think They Missed The Point

1:00- There is a rewards system in the class for positive behavior. I don't always like it but it works for the certain kids I need it to work for. During math time, it was getting a little rowdy so I reminded the class about appropriate studying behavior. I saw one child doing exceptionally well so I pointed her out and said "Look class Marisa is going to finish her work because she is focused and her body is calm and her voice is quiet. She is not going to have any honey money taken away." Jose pipes up "Hurray! She is going to get honey money because she is cute!" Next thing I know a chant breaks out across the room the kids are standing and pumping fists in the air "MARISA IS CUTE! MARISA IS CUTE!"

To Young to Fear

2:25- I am handing out papers filled with info for the parents. After I am finished telling the students that it is a letter about parent teacher conferences Jose whispers "My heart is beating so fast because I am so excited about all of this" He might not be so excited if he knew anything about parent teacher conferences. 

Abi's Day September 28

Morning Circle Time
8:03- Little girl walks up to me, puts her nose on my hip, takes a huge sniff and says, "AHHHHH! Now I'm okay!"

Snack Time
9:05- I'm smacked on the arm by a first grade boy, whom I have never spoken to before, screaming "MS. ABI! MS. ABIIIIIIIII!"  I answer, "Yes?"  He makes two huge, face-contorting winks, then turns and walks off without another word.

English Class
9:50- While discussing ways to remember the difference between the letter "d" and the letter "b", a little girl offers, "Oh! I know! You say D...D...DIABETES!"  I start laughing, trying to explain that the disease maybe isn't the easiest way to remember b's and d's, when another girl interrupts, "I've been there!"
Me: "You've been to Diabetes?"
Girl: "Yes! And I caught a fish there!"

Story Time
10:00- Interrupted in the middle of a story by a little girl, "Ms. Abi! My teeth are a little bit tight today."

Overheard during Activities
11:05- Little boy to the blocks he is building with, "I'm gonna double snap this dirty guy!"

Physical Education
11:20- Stuart greets Mr. Joey with, "HIYA JOEY BABY!"

11:45- We play Cat and Mouse. One child is the Cat, all the others are Mice.  The Cat must chase the Mice and steal their tails (ribbons attached to their waistbands).  We discover that NONE of the little boys are wearing underwear, nor have they attached their "tails" to their waistbands.  Every single ribbon is stuffed into their little butt cracks.  They got to keep the ribbons.

  

Abi's Day September 26 & 27

September 27

Before We Even Get Inside

7:32- Leading the kids up the stairs to the classroom when the little girl behind me bellows out a song, "I LOVE MS. ABI'S BOTTOM! MS. ABI'S BOTTOM IS SO NICE!" Then smooches it before I can stop her.

Recess

12:45- Is informed by another teacher that during lunch time, Stuart was caught inventing yet another game in which he was "viper punching" boys in the crotch.  

Computer Class
1:30- Little boy shouts out, "OH MY GOD! Now I'm all POOEY!"

Quiet Journal Time
2:00- Put on some quiet Rosie Thomas for the kids to listen to.  Little girl, "Teachuh! I hear this song and I have to cry!" 

September 26

Activities

8:48- Little girl has repeatedly asked for a stapler for the mask she is making.  She is given the stapler before I realize she is going to staple the mask TO her face.

Language Lessons
10:07- Diarrhea is discovered on a chair in the classroom. 

Lunch Time Line Up
12:03- Little girl tosses back a gulp from her water bottle and tells the classmate next to her, "Some times I like to pretend this is my Vodka!"

Victoria's Day September 27th

Raspberries
7:45- Morning circle time and Vincent has a special seat next to the teacher again. I am reading a story to the children when I start to feel really irritated for some reason. I continue to read, thinking to myself that the feeling will surely pass. It is about two seconds later when I come to realize that the source of my discomfort is coming from my special friend sitting on my left side! Vincent is squeezing my arm fat as hard as he can in between both of his hands .He then is proceeding to blow raspberries up and down the blob that he has created on my upper arm. There is slobber all over my arm and little hand prints from the not so gentle squeezing. He was no longer sitting next to me.
Chicken and Dessert
11:45- The class  is in the middle of creating artwork when Zoe raises her hand. I call upon her and she asks "Can I call my mom?". To which I immediately respond "No." I realize a second later that she may indeed have a legitimately good reason for needing to phone her mother. So I ask "Zoe, why do you need to call your mom?" She looks at me and replies "I need for her to bring chicken and dessert for my lunch." Needless to say, I let my original answer stand.

Planet Knowledge
1:00- We are having a question and answer/quiz time about the planets. Everyone is sitting in a circle and having fun learning about the solar system. Hands are going up all over to ask questions that they are sure I can answer, I call on each student in turn. It comes to Vincent's turn and he says "Ms.Bacteria! I am going to be a rrrrrovot and fly up into Uranus!". He then begins to gesture with his hands and continues "I will go up and up and up (he has his right arm ascending straight up into the air and his fingers wiggling around) into Uranus and I will twist it (he snaps his wrist to one side and closes his fingers making a fist), like that! I just stare at him, unsure of what my response should entail. He could see the tears welling up in my eyes and my body shaking as I am trying to hold back my laughter. He then declares to myself and the class "I will do it (he repeats the same straight arm wrist snapping as before) just like that! It was a couple of seconds before I could catch my breath and regain my composure. When I had settled down, I told him that maybe one day he could be a scientist and figure out a way to tilt Uranus to sit like the other planets in our solar system.

Victoria's Day September 25th

School Uniforms
8:44- The class is seated for English work and all is quiet. Up jumps Jose who yells "Teacher! There is something inside of me!". Sensing the urgency in Jose's voice, I run over to see what could possibly be the problem. As it turns out, wearing suspenders under a school uniform may not be the best plan.

No Shame
9:04- I am leading my children out of the classroom and down the stairs for recess. A little voice in line behind me pipes up and asks "Why is your hair like that?" I look at her and said, "Good question." then continued down the stairs.

He Came Prepared
11:03- The boys are getting ready for yet another swim class while I am working with the girls to finish up their journals for the day. Jose walks up to me wearing just his tie, socks and underwear and says "I have extra panties but I cannot take off my tie!" I am not sure how he managed to take off his shirt before his tie... I responded to his to declaration to me with "I am really glad you came to school prepared Jose! Now all we have to do is teach you how to manage this tie!"

Abi's Day September 25

The Importance of Good Body Image

7:47- During Morning Circle time I hear "I am a sexy girl!" It is not a girl saying this.

Oral Hygiene 

7:52- Class has lined up to go brush their teeth, but where is Stuart's toothbrush? The whole class gets on hands and knees, searching for a full five minutes for Stuart's missing toothbrush.  I hear giggling, whip around, and ask, "Stuart, where is your toothbrush?" He grins and pulls it out of the front of his underwear.  He still brushes his teeth.

Discussion About Missing Swimming Class Due to Rainy Weather

8:50-Teacher: "If it's too cold, we won't be able to go swimming."

Girl: "Oh! It's okay! I'll wear my glasses!"

English Class

9:45- Stuart is kicked out of English for continuous burping.  Again.

9:40- Teacher: "Who can tell me what the word "Cute" means?"

Little girl: "Oh! Maybe like your face because it is small like a mouse?" 

Teacher: "Um...What?!  How about something else you think is cute?"

Little boy: "Mr. Joey is cute!"

9:50- Teacher: "Do you wear a Coat when it's cold?"

Little girl: "Not in this country!"

Math

2:30- Stuart is asked to demonstrate how to write an "8" in the air in front of his classmates.  He raises his right arm, then his left arm, then lowers them both over his crotch, does a little pelvic dance, shouts "KOREA!" and sits back down.  

Abi's Day Sept. 21

What Stuart Did 

7:45- Stuart answers his name being called during attendance by shouting, "HOW YA DOIN' BABY?" and winking at me.  All I think is, "That's the English you've picked up!?"

2:16- While having my arms raised to clip a child's science project on the wall, Stuart jumps out of his chair, bolts across the room and kisses me soundly on the armpit.  Then runs back to his chair and resumes his maths.

Abi's Day September 20, 2012

My favourite parts of the day:

Meet Stuart

 He is wearing his "finish your work-books first" outfit.

My favourite science project

Cute class discussion of the day:
Me: "What are some different kinds of bugs?"
Students: "Mosquitos, spiders, ants, butterflies, bees, elephants..."

Abi's Day+ What Stuart Did- September 19, 2012

September 19, 2012

7:37- Stuart is not in class with the rest of the students.  He is found hiding under the staircase.

9:10- Recess.  Stuart has pinned an older child to the ground, with one hand on the child's back, the other hand stuffing the older child's shorts into a wedgie.  Stuart claims he is "Tickling".  

10:20- Swimming class.  Stuart has to be tied into his life vest as it is too small to reach around his middle.  

12:46- Two girls come up to me crying because during lunch time, Stuart became "X-MEN!", shouted Korean words in their faces, yanked up their dresses, swatted their behinds, then disappeared.

2:00- Stuart and I make a compromise: IF he finishes his maths workbook, he may continue to wear the sparkly purple dress and hot pink high-heels he is wearing.

Boys and Balls

12:35- Two of the boys are caught taking their clothes off near the swimming pool changing rooms during lunch time.  When asked what they are doing, they answer "Getting a ball."  Is there a ball? No.

Best Friends
2:05- Little girl whispers, "I love you Ms. Arby. You are best friends because I like your hair." as she kisses my face repeatedly.

Something on the Side
2:20- Conversation with one of my girls during Quiet Journal Time, "Teachuh, you know my boyfrien' is marry."
"He is? And how does his wife feel about this?"
"I don't know, but you know, I kiss him in the mouf."

My Boys By Victoria

I am sure that I would not make it through the day without the antics of the two boys whom I have come to love. No, the boys are not my favorites; because teachers never have favorites. Names will be changed for storytelling purposes. Jose a future scientists that has an after school activity everyday of the week and Vincent is a goofy, skinny kid with a toothless grin.

September 3rd

Vincent: "Teachuh?"
Me: "Yes?  You may call me Ms. Victoria. What do you need Vincent?"
Vincent: "Uuumm... OK, Ms. Bacteria. Can I ask you a question?"

September 5th

7:30 Vincent is the line leader for the week and stands just under chest high. One of the things that Vincent loves to do as line leader is ram his head into my stomach repeatedly.  After one such time, he takes a step back to look at my chest.  Lifting his arms he makes a squeezing motion with his hands and says, "Wow!  Ms. Bacteria you are like some kind of MUSCLE MAN!"
I still do not have a response.

12:50  Sitting down for math, all is quiet until I hear an urgent, "Ms. Victoria?! Ms. Victoria!"
"Yes Jose?"
Jose swoops his arm in a dramatic gesture towards a sign on the wall reading Science Center and asks "When are we going to do Science?"
"Next week."
"OH MY GOD! I HAVE TO PREPARE MY SUPPLIES!"

September 6th

I asked Jose if he had any brothers or sisters and he replied, "I do not have any brothers or sisters. My mom cannot grow another tummy because he is old."

September 10th

10:45 "Where should I change teacher?" That was the question I heard as the boys were getting ready for their first swim lesson. I told them that either in the classroom or the bathroom was fine. Jose yells to me from across the room, I turn to see him in just his socks, underwear and shirt. He is swinging his tie above his head in a circular motion and says "But teacher! I do not want anyone to see my wieners!" I told him that if he changes quickly and stops drawing attention to himself no one will see his "wieners". Jose finished changing and announced " Ms. Victoria! I have extra panties to wear after swimming!"

10:47 Vincent flings the classroom door open after changing from his uniform to "swimsuit". He is wearing an extremely small yellow tank top and a matching pair of very small yellow underwear.  Once he is sure all eyes are on him, Vincent begins to hum some sultry tune and rub his hands up and down his body as he gyrates vigorously.

September 12th

10:50 During Quiet Reading Time, it is brought to my attention that Jose is NOT, in fact, quietly reading his book. He is, instead, humming a "dangerous" tune as he whips his handkerchief/ Matador cape back and forth, to tempt the bulls that apparently abide in the reading center. 

12:50 During a discussion about the weather, snow specifically, Vincent raises his hand to say, "I love Canada." I reply, "You love Canada?" Vincent, "Yes. No. Yes, but I love Africa more." Thank you Vincent for your addition to our discussion about weather.

September 17th 

While I am looking over his class work at my desk Vincent decides to take the opportunity look directly down my shirt by sliding his hand quickly across my neck, then yanking down my shirt front.

September 18th

7:50 After a hairstyle change over the weekend Vincent notices and asks, "Why is your hair like that Ms. Bacteria?"  To keep things simple I replied, "I got a haircut." He then asks "Where is the hair here?" and points to his forehead. I then tell all of the children that no matter what they remember of my hairstyle last week, my forehead has NEVER grown hair. Vincent says, "Oh, well when I am a man I will have hair on my lips and cheeks."

12:45 Vincent kindly lets me know that I have something in my teeth.

1:25 Vincent brings some class work up to my desk for approval. As he is waiting quietly for my response, he begins to gently rub my crossed legs. He looks up at me as he continues to touch my leg and whispers, wide-eyed, "WOW! OH MY GOD!"

Victoria's Day- September 19, 2012

For story-telling purposes, all children's names have been changed.

Morning Circle Time
7:45- While doing the calendar and weather with the Daily Reporter I hear very quiet giggling and laughing coming from behind my back. I decide to carry on with what I am doing and ignore the giggles until I hear "Oh! My penis!" Immediately I whip around to see two of my boys with one hand up their own shorts and the other hand lifting each others shorts up to have a peek. Needless to say, they were then separated so that Circle Time could continue in peace.

7:48- In response to my asking what the class would like to be when they grow up, *Jose* replies, "I want to be an engineer because I have some money saved in the bank in the Philippines. I also want a car but I need 25 more dollars. Or maybe $100 or maybe $2,000.... I do not really know."

7:55- In my response to my question asking the class which kind of animal they would be if they could change like Eric Carle's The Mixed up Chameleon, *Zoe* replies, "I would be a cheek".
Me: "A what?"
Student: "A cheek. Do you not know? A baby cheekuhn."

Parkour
9:25- While heading heading back to class after recess, *Vincent* finds a secret treasure on the stairs.  He then parkours into his classmates who were walking calmly in line, knocks me into the railing, then jumps onto his backpack so he can hide his prize before I see what he has scored. It was a rubber band.

Journal Time
10:07- "I want to be a scientists because they do aliens." -Vincent

11:04- During Quiet Journal time, I hear "DO NOT PULL DOWN MY PANTS!"

Afternoon Circle Time
12:50- While reading Stellaluna to the class, one of my boys begins peeping and chirping, while determinedly picking his nose.  He then rolls the boogers between his fingers and takes tiny nibbles from his tasty nose candy in between each baby bat and bird tweet.

Math
2:12- After about two minutes of gently having my arm stroked, the child then informs that I am so black.

2:10- *Vincent* decides to whistle at me for my attention instead of raising his hand. To bad he is missing his entire row of top teeth.

Abi's Day- September 18, 2012

Blu-Tak

9:57- While reading a book during English Circle Time, I look over to see one of my little boys with his shorts hiked up around his thighs, quietly stretching out some blu-tak between his fingers.  I then realize it is NOT blu-tak, it is his foreskin.

Camel Toes

10:50- During swimming I notice one of my little girls has all of her life vest straps stuffed up into her wedgie. She is hopping around, wiggling, and shouting, "Oh my toes! Oh my toes! It is stuck in my toes!" 

"Honey, that is not your toes..."

3 Dimensional Shapes

11:46- Ms. Abi: "Repeat after me guys, Rectangular Prism".

Little boy: "Rrrrectangular Pre-cum!"

What Stuart Did

These are the chronicles of a certain young, very large and strong boy, spending a little extra time in Kindergarten to catch up on his English.  For this story-telling purpose, he will be referred to as Stuart.  -Abi Copple

What Stuart Did

September 6

10:34- Stuart volunteers his favourite food "Humbuguh!" (Hamburger) during circle time.  His first English words in class.

September 7

9:06- Had to drag Stuart off of the off-limits playground equipment 4 times in 3 minutes.

12:20- Stuart invents two new games.  First: kicking a ball into the outside light fixtures to shatter the bulbs, then eluding the teachers with impressive speed and agility. Second, trying to dismantle the flag from the flagpole, then eluding the teachers with impressive speed and agility.    

September 10

11:58- Found Stuart hanging off the outside of the second floor stair railing after running away from computer class.  

September 12

11:16- Discovered Stuart's head under my shirt while trying to get the class lined up.

2:27- Chased a swim-goggles-wearing-Spiderman/Stuart around the school, in the rain, along with 2 other teachers, while the rest of the class waited quietly in line to go home. He eluded us with his impressive speed and agility for 5 additional minutes.

September 13

10:20- The class spent a miraculous hour and forty minutes quietly and eagerly working on Maths because Stuart had fallen asleep in the Library Centre.  We did not wake him.

September 14

9:22- Stuart is kicked out of English class for continuous burping.

1:30- While lining up outside to go back to class, a toilet is flushed on the third floor, causing a leaky pipe to shower down sewer water.  Stuart runs from his place in the class line to twirl and dance under the falling water, while all teachers, guards and cleaners bearing witness scream, "That is NOT rain Stuart! Dear God, that is NOT rain!" 

1:54- Discovered Stuart's head under my dress while I am standing on a chair to hang some art work on the wall.

September 17

1:37- During quiet journal time, Stuart becomes "X MEN!", and proceeds to run around the classroom, launching stuffed animals into the air, causing one to be caught in the ceiling fan, short circuiting it.     

1:42- Stuart tenderly kisses my belly button as I attempt to settle the class down.

1:43- Stuart motorboats my rear-end as I foolishly have turned my focus to another child too soon.  

September 18

7:54- Stuart kills and eats a spider during morning circle time.   

12:48- Stuart comes in after lunch, soaking wet from the rain.  The only spare clothes that fit him is a dress-up sailor's shirt.  Stuart puts it on, then asks for a picture to be taken.  He poses with a couple boys from class, each time cupping their crotches, right when the picture takes.